Hit it!

2018 started and I have to admit it was one of my rougher starts of a new year. Of course you hope for a smooth lay-out, but sometimes it’s just not your week and shit happens. I sincerely hope you guys had a splendid kickstart of these new 365 days, but if you didn’t, allow me to be your companion and offer a little bit of comfort.

Growing up in a society like ours isn’t easy. You are told when to go to school, to work, which job suits you best, how much money you should earn, to have the perfect relationship with your parents, siblings,friends and lover, to have a family at a certain age, to take care of those around you, to be social on social media, but don’t engage too much with strangers IRL because that could be dangerous, to be fierce but yet humble, to look strong and healthy, to have a great career, what to eat, to be mentally healthy (even though no one explicitly defines what that is) and most of all to be happy…all the time. And it has diminished a bit lately, but if you really think about it, it’s astonishing how rooted this constant pressure of “happiness” is.
Artists have fought against this idea ever since it initiated, but nevertheless it remains. Ever slumbering and palpable in the back of our minds.

And here I am on January 2, 2018 crying my heart out. Seems like I couldn’t have a worse start, doesn’t it?
Well, people. It was the best thing that happened so far.

Because when you hit the bottom, you connect with that particular you that is only recognizable in deep sadness or distress. It is a pure version of yourself, freed from all the noise around you and freed from your own restrictions and assumptions. After all, you already slipped up, so what’s the point in yelling that it should not have happened? It did anyway and your situation is still unchanged.
So once you realise that, you allow yourself to indulge in the emotions. You wrap yourself up in it and you let it spill over.
That’s when you start to climb up again.
Not because you actively try to get out of that dark place, but because you allow yourself to just be present in the moment. And that’s when I had an epiphany.

You see, ever since I injured my hands, I got scared that I hadn’t made the right decision to study a master in piano. What if my body wouldn’t be able to restore itself? What if I didn’t enjoy playing anymore because of the constant fear of the pain returning? What if my performance level turns out to be insufficient for an actual career?
And right in that moment where I felt utterly sad, I was drawn to my piano. Not to singing, not to writing, not to listening to music or talking to a friend. But to playing the piano.
And I played and I wept and I translated every painful event that had happened into the music. And it softened the sharp edges and I realised: I was born to do this. It is part of the root of my existence and I was a fool to be blinded by the noise around me, to let the doubt and the fear come so far as to let me lose sight of my own passion.
Funny how your judgement can be so clouded, right?

Now I don’t know what is going on in your life right now. But if you are feeling insecure about the course you have taken: hit the bottom. It will be an emotional rollercoaster and a bumpy ride, but it will bring you to this wonderful person: yourself.

I hope you are well, in whatever emotional state you are right now

Big hug

Nathalie

(Original drawing by Elice Fox: https://www.facebook.com/elise.deryckere)