NMindset
All my thoughts and tips on self improvement and positive mindset can be found in the posts below. Topics vary from artistic related subjects to everyday life. An ideal method to get to know me personally, instead of artistically.
- Sneaky stress-builders during music practice – distractions. Nathalie’s Vlog #47
Being an artist is a marvel and a privilege, but it does not come stress-free. Just like with any profession, a bit of healthy stress is of course fine…but it becomes problematic if it frequently establishes itself, in particular during your practice/creation time. This is the first vlog targeting these sneaky stress-builders and we’re getting a closer look at distractions and what to do about them.Hope this helps! Much love,Nathalie - How to get over the fear of being judged. Nathalie’s Vlog #44
Oh my lord, this was a bumpy road to get the vlog out on time! In short, the vlog was fully made with all the bells and whistles, but the sound had a major issue caused by my camera being plugged in…and no matter what I or my boyfriend did, it remained extremely present. So I reshot the video with my phone instead of my camera to make my deadline, but it is a one-take, no re-dos, this-was-a-true-challenge-kind of video. (In the end it also was not shorter than my previous attempt, haha!) Today we’re talking fear of being judged and how to overcome that! I use three little things that help me get centered and confident enough to share my message and/or music: 1. Three helpful phrases 2. Building self-esteem 3. Comparing the you of today to the you of yesterday Please remember that you are unique, that the world needs every bit of beauty and good spirits it can get, and that it needs your unique abilities to become a better place. Hope this serves you, as always! Much love, Nathalie - You only live once: a reflection on my first semester at IU
Two years ago, I actively initiated a lifelong dream of studying in the US. Today, only a couple of days away from 2020, my first semester at Indiana University has successfully ended and I’m getting ready for the next semester. The full story on how I managed to get here, is already documented under the “US audition adventure” series. Today I would like to talk about the mindset that got me here and allowed me to experience wonderful things so far. - Three Effective Ways to Find the Courage to Keep Going
Let’s say you’ve been working really, really hard on a project. In order to get it done, you’ve invested every spare second, you’ve saved every penny, you’ve learned a ton of new skills, you’ve relocated your comfort zone to a brand new area and you’re actually starting to like the new neighbourhood. And now, you’ve taken the final turn on the road. There it is: the goal you’ve been trying to reach. Alarmingly close, just a few more steps! And you freeze. Sounds familiar? I totally feel ya. Now let’s see if there are some tricks to uplift the vibe. - Per aspera, ad astra
Why love is the answer to everything If you’ve had the time to scroll through my website, you might have noticed I want to study at Jacobs School of Music as of August this year. It’s been quite an adventure so far, with loads of studying, preparing, writing, playing, gritting my teeth, refusing to accept a decision in my disadvantage, but also getting to know myself more than ever before, travelling, managing adult responsibilities, pushing myself to become a better musician and human being. However, I’ve never written a post when things went sour. Today, I would like to change that. Yesterday evening I opened a letter, sent by the BAEF committee (one of the scholarships I applied to for the second time) stating their decision of not granting me the scholarship. Not. Despite my acceptance at three music institutions, despite the letter of recommendation that was sent by my future teacher, despite my show of determination through the Fundraising Event next week. Not. Now, I could live with that if I was given a solid reason for the decision. But I wasn’t. And that has been driving me insane for the past 24 hours. I am beyond frustration and sadness…I am properly pissed-off. Not because I don’t wish someone else the opportunity of studying in the USA, but because I’ve been slaving day-in-day-out for the past 2 years and I seemingly don’t deserve a reason for the outcome. Also, and perhaps even more so, it succeeded in letting me feel shitty about myself, again. Well, I refuse! I refuse to believe that I’m not worthy of that scholarship. I refuse to believe that I won’t be studying in the USA in August. I refuse to have the door slammed in my face without a genuine reason. So, during all the rage and disappointment and frustration, I asked myself the only question there is to ask: why? Why don’t I just accept that this doesn’t seem to work, no matter what I try? The conclusion is both cheesy and plainly simple. Because of love. Love for my passion, music. In one of my scholarship essays I wrote this sentence: “I do not exist without music”. And it’s true! I love classical music and jazz, I love performing, I love playing, I love studying music, I love writing lyrics. I will go through shit to become the best musician I can ever be. And for the past few years, I believe becoming that musician means studying in the USA, to research the origins of jazz, to find the connections to classical composers and to be able to combine the two genres in one program. Thoughtfully, with respect for the music and its shared history. You know, even though I’m exhausted, even though I sometimes feel utterly worthless and untalented, even though the Fundraising Event has cost me an equal amount of effort as auditioning in the States…I am looking forward to the moment when I can enter the stage to perform for the audience. It’s what I live for. Love. It’s the sole reason for anything that I do. And if you ever find yourself in a similar frustrating position, I hope you find that the reason why you’re fighting to cope with it is the same. Love truly is the answer to everything. It is the reason why I’m so angry at BAEF, because their decision affects something I deeply care for in a negative way. It is the reason why I want to keep fighting for my studies at JSOM. It is the reason why I refuse to believe that I’m not good enough. It is the reason why I haven’t lost my mind over the past two years. The title of this post “Per aspera, ad astra”, is a popular Latin phrase and a slightly dramatic quote from Pierce Brown’s Red Riding saga. Literally translated, it means “through the thorns, towards the stars”. God knows I’m going through thorns at the moment. But I’m still reaching for the stars, unwilling to be steered out of course by anything else but my own decisions. And I’m proud of that. So, if you have stuck with this post so far, I salute you. If you are going through a similar amount of struggle, I support you. And if you are fighting through it, I respect you. Don’t let anyone tell you or make you believe that you are incapable of pursuing your passion. Love is the answer to everything. Per aspera, ad astra. Picture by The Awkward Yeti: http://theawkwardyeti.com/comic/up-2/ - Hit it!
2018 started and I have to admit it was one of my rougher starts of a new year. Of course you hope for a smooth lay-out, but sometimes it’s just not your week and shit happens. I sincerely hope you guys had a splendid kickstart of these new 365 days, but if you didn’t, allow me to be your companion and offer a little bit of comfort. Growing up in a society like ours isn’t easy. You are told when to go to school, to work, which job suits you best, how much money you should earn, to have the perfect relationship with your parents, siblings,friends and lover, to have a family at a certain age, to take care of those around you, to be social on social media, but don’t engage too much with strangers IRL because that could be dangerous, to be fierce but yet humble, to look strong and healthy, to have a great career, what to eat, to be mentally healthy (even though no one explicitly defines what that is) and most of all to be happy…all the time. And it has diminished a bit lately, but if you really think about it, it’s astonishing how rooted this constant pressure of “happiness” is. Artists have fought against this idea ever since it initiated, but nevertheless it remains. Ever slumbering and palpable in the back of our minds. And here I am on January 2, 2018 crying my heart out. Seems like I couldn’t have a worse start, doesn’t it? Well, people. It was the best thing that happened so far. Because when you hit the bottom, you connect with that particular you that is only recognizable in deep sadness or distress. It is a pure version of yourself, freed from all the noise around you and freed from your own restrictions and assumptions. After all, you already slipped up, so what’s the point in yelling that it should not have happened? It did anyway and your situation is still unchanged. So once you realise that, you allow yourself to indulge in the emotions. You wrap yourself up in it and you let it spill over. That’s when you start to climb up again. Not because you actively try to get out of that dark place, but because you allow yourself to just be present in the moment. And that’s when I had an epiphany. You see, ever since I injured my hands, I got scared that I hadn’t made the right decision to study a master in piano. What if my body wouldn’t be able to restore itself? What if I didn’t enjoy playing anymore because of the constant fear of the pain returning? What if my performance level turns out to be insufficient for an actual career? And right in that moment where I felt utterly sad, I was drawn to my piano. Not to singing, not to writing, not to listening to music or talking to a friend. But to playing the piano. And I played and I wept and I translated every painful event that had happened into the music. And it softened the sharp edges and I realised: I was born to do this. It is part of the root of my existence and I was a fool to be blinded by the noise around me, to let the doubt and the fear come so far as to let me lose sight of my own passion. Funny how your judgement can be so clouded, right? Now I don’t know what is going on in your life right now. But if you are feeling insecure about the course you have taken: hit the bottom. It will be an emotional rollercoaster and a bumpy ride, but it will bring you to this wonderful person: yourself. I hope you are well, in whatever emotional state you are right now Big hug Nathalie (Original drawing by Elice Fox: https://www.facebook.com/elise.deryckere) - Room service!
It’s the holidays! Merry Chri-… No, wait, Christmas passed already. (It what now? H-how? When?) Then…ehrr…Happy New Ye-… No, still a little too early. (Oh, thank goodness!) I’m telling you, dear reader, I can’t keep up anymore. 2017 barely started and now we’re on the brink of 2018. Does every day still count 24 hours? Effectively? But okay, December 29 it is. I don’t know about you guys, but this “adult life” thing…it’s messing up all the plans I made for fall and winter. I intended to post every 2 weeks, but September started and all hell broke loose. So unwillingly, it became every 2 months. I intended to study at least 4 hours every day, but some days I couldn’t practice at all. I intended to keep my work-out schedule unchanged since this summer, but I failed miserably. I intended to get enough sleep, but some nights anxiety decided to play tricks on me. I intended to work on a new project, but recording pre-screening videos and doing auditions kept me from studying anything else…intention, intention, intention. And guess what everyone is asking now: “What are your New Year resolutions?” Every time the question pops, I scrap together bits and pieces of objectives from the last couple of years and mix them into a standard answer. But today I took the time to actually think about it and if I am completely honest with myself, I should say that my resolution for this year is: room service. Great! Wait…what? Let me fill you in a bit: last week, right before our family Christmas party, I was at a hotel and I did something that I had never done before: I ordered room service. Lazy little brat that I am, I decided that putting on decent clothes, going downstairs and ordering something at the restaurant (I didn’t even have go outside!) was still too much of a burden. Well, guess what, guys: best club sandwich I ever ate. This simple act of utter laziness and at the same time thrill of doing something new made a click in my mind. It was the first time in a long time when I did something for myself without worrying about finances or fearing other people’s opinion. There was no pressure, no scheduled me-time before attending the usual business again, only the idea and acting upon it. And even though I was hungry, the feeling of contentment wasn’t linked to the food. I bet my resolution makes a bit more sense now and you can see why I’d like a little more of that in 2018. So let’s not be too hard on ourselves when thinking about resolutions. I usually have the habit of aiming for goals that have an effect in a long-term: a work-out challenge, a change in diet, working on a different mindset, applying for a new job or starting a new hobby. But this year I think I will make it short-term: doing something nice for myself every day to have that instant joy. Simple things. After all, we only live once, right? I hope these coming 365 days will be days you can look forward to. And I hope they will eventually turn into a year you will remember with a smile. Happy holidays! Xx Nathalie (comic by TheAwkwardYeti: http://theawkwardyeti.com/) - When the Magic Happens
If I think about the exact reason why I became a musician, I always conclude that goosebumps is the main motive. Personally, there are very few things in the world that can unlock this sensation in such a profound way as music. So…what triggers this feeling? Because even though it’s the main reason why I started music, it doesn’t always happen. In fact, it’s quite rare. If I look back on the times when I performed for an audience and actually had goosebumps…I can count those moments on one hand. There’s a higher rate when it comes to playing for myself or when I’m listening to music – whether it’s recordings or live concerts – but even then, it does not occur regularly. Earlier this month I had an interesting conversation with a good friend about this topic. We discussed the various aspects and cases and we came up with some pretty cool insights. You see, I had noticed that attending a (classical) concert where every note is played in the uttermost beautiful way, with tremendous care and devotion, can still make me feel like I’ve missed something that night. I won’t have had any goosebumps and may have even lost my attention throughout the story…simply because it was all too polished. There needs to be some kind of rough edge, some kind of exhilarating moment where you sense that the artist is freeing himself from his eternal search of perfection. We – my friend and I – concluded that in the very moment where the performer surprises himself in a positive way, that’s when the magic happens. That’s the exact moment when something more than melody, rhythm and harmony is transferred to the audience. But, speaking out of experience… sh*t’s bloody hard …and worth every drop of sweat, tears and blood you spilled over it when you finally reach that blissful moment. Luckily, it doesn’t all depend on this tiny percentage of success; there are other times when music gets under your skin. Recently, I attended a concert in a very small venue of another friend. Latin jazz this time. After he and his partner finished, the overall part of the audience sat at one big table and they joined us for some drinks and food. After a while, the guitarist took out his guitar again, the percussionist his cajon, and they started playing all these songs where people would join in and sing along. And even though it was not always in tune and I didn’t know most of the music or words, seeing all these random people singing, smiling and feeling connected, somehow initiated the mechanism that results in goosebumps. I guess this must be the same process when you’re standing on a big stage and hear the entire audience sing (or scream) your song. In both these cases, it’s not even about the rough side or the polished side. It’s about connection and community. The same magic, but entirely different. I realise I’m only talking about live concerts and live experiences right now. Certainly, there are recordings that spark the same physical reaction…but somehow the excitement is even greater when it happens on the spot; the exact second when the music is made. So, what are your experiences with music and goosebumps? Did I mention some things you recognised or can you add other occasions? I’m curious 🙂 xx Nathalie - An Ode to Optimism: my first blog post
So here we are, circa the middle of August, during one of the longest vacations I will ever have in my life – if not the longest – when suddenly THE question I have been trying to avoid all summer kicks in: Now what? I’m graduated, as a classical pianist, which basically means I have a piece of paper that claims me to be a master of music. And writing this sentence down alone made me laugh, because the thing with music is that you’re never, ever a master of it. Perhaps you’re exceptionally good and/or genius at your type of music-making. But a master of music? Come on, there is no such thing, guys. So, classical pianist with a piece of paper it is. An important piece of paper though, regardless of its absurdity, because it gives me the opportunity to earn a fair living. Primarily as a music teacher. A job for which I will need an extra diploma or otherwise I will be bypassed by all those pianists who have obtained their additional degree as a tutor. So, if I’m practical, that’s the logical next step. Yet, it is not the reason why I started playing music in the first place, even though passing on the passion for music is a job one can and should be profoundly proud of. But I’ve just realised it’s not the thing that will make me happy. So let’s explore the other thoughts about what might or might not contribute to my happiness. All my life I have known exactly what I wanted to do: perform. And that’s just the thing I did, through entering competitions, playing exams, playing concerts I received thanks to those competitions, organising try-outs and studying for entrance exams. But now, standing at the verge of what is to be my actual adult life (even though I’m 22 and technically speaking, I’ve been living it for 4 years now), I suddenly realise that if I will continue on this path of becoming a performing classical pianist, it’s also not the thing that will make me happy. Not solely because of the huge competitive atmosphere, but mainly because I’ve lost my heart to jazz and particularly singing jazz as well. Then what’s the problem, you ask? I can just mix the two together, right? Well…maybe. It is definitely something I’ve been thinking about and that’s why I’ve taken two steps in that direction: number one is that I’m trying to get into any school in the United States, to learn more about the country where jazz was first played and see how their educational system concerning music works. Is it more aimed towards cross-over projects or is it equally separated as it is here? I’m sincerely hoping for the first option. The second step is that I’m working on a project with a dear friend of mine to attempt to do just that: a cross-over project. But self-doubt is one of the biggest enemies to any person and it is not always easy to shut the critical voice within up. So, fear. That’s what this is all about. Fear of not being good enough to get out there and conquer the world with my way of playing and/or singing. Fear that I will take the easy path and do the logical next step instead of following my heart, wherever it may lead me. And I would like to say to you that I’ve decided to say “screw this!” and went for the latter, but I’m a bit too rational for that. I’d like to eat and have a roof above my head without having to ask for money, especially with that particular piece of paper, which cost a great deal of money to my parents. But I do refuse to be pessimistic. I have a whole life ahead of me and I want to live it with as little regrets of what I didn’t try as possible. Therefore: an ode to optimism. Here’s to every one of you who has the same sort of doubts, reflects on them and then tries to go for the scary path anyway. Here’s to every one of you who takes a chance, maybe even fails, and then gets back up again, armed with more knowledge as a result. Here’s to any person who decides to believe in him- or herself with every possible cell in his or her body. Because what the heck. We’re worth it. So I’m taking the first step in this direction, by starting this blog. I don’t have a core idea for it yet, but I guess we’ll see where this goes and maybe it will help me to be that tiny bit more bold every day. What about you? Are you having doubts about your future? If not, I’d love to hear your secret 🙂 And if so, I hope you’re feeling a bit less alone in your uncertainty. To optimism! xx Nathalie (comic by Sarah Andersen: http://sarahcandersen.com/)